Weenianity: The Hot Dog Religion

[Hostrauser]

The Ten Comandments of Weenianity
I. Thou shalt not prejudice based on size
II. Thou shalt not commit foodultery
III. Thou shalt not commit transvestism
IV. Thou shalt not drink but beer, soda, or lemonade with thy weenie
V. Thou shalt share the glory of thine weenie with others
VI. Thou shalt not be obscene
VII. Thou shalt not worship false idols
VIII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on your hot dog
IX. Thou shalt not wage nuclear war
X. Thou shalt sing loud hosannas to the heavens


Footnotes/Explanations:
1. A hot dog is just as good as a bratwurst.

2. Thy weenie is married to french fries, onion rings, and chips, and these three classes are the only acceptable side dishes for thy weenie.

3. Thy weenie is meant to be eaten in a weenie bun or dipped in batter and fried, nothing else. Wrapping thy weenie in piece of bread earns you a thousand days in limbo. Trying to make an "Atkins-friendly" weenie by wrapping thy weenie in a lettuce leaf will result in a fatwa.

4. Water and other substitutions are the devil's drinks. If you want to drink water and be healthy, why are you eating thy weenie in the first place?

5. I hope you brought enough for everybody.

6. Thy weenie cannot be hanging out the ends of thine bun.

7. Thy weenie must be made out of a once-living creature from the subphylum Vertebrata. Beef, pork, chicken, turkey, mouse, bat, and human are all acceptable for thy weenie's content. Soy and tofu weenies earn you a thousand years in hell.

8. Self-explanatory, since only heathens would even think of such an abomination before god.

9. Thy weenie must be cooked with fire (heat radiation, not any other form of radiation).

10. After finishing thine weenie, a loud display of passing gas (from either end) is to be expected and applauded.

[FluteOfTheNewWorld]

haha thats pretty funny.. where di you find that?

[fieldshowqueen]

The Ten Comandments of Weenianity
VI. Thou shalt not be obscene
Footnotes/Explanations:
6. Thy weenie cannot be hanging out the ends of thine bun.

Disagree here and this violates Rule I to not discriminate on size. Dodger dogs are awesomely 12" and are served in a 6" bun leaving 2 to 3" hanging out the ends. 'Nuf said.

[FluteOfTheNewWorld]

The Ten Comandments of Weenianity
VI. Thou shalt not be obscene
Footnotes/Explanations:
6. Thy weenie cannot be hanging out the ends of thine bun.

Disagree here and this violates Rule I to not discriminate on size. Dodger dogs are awesomely 12" and are served in a 6" bun leaving 2 to 3" hanging out the ends. 'Nuf said.

Wow... I've never been to a dodger game... but I don't like hotdogs anyways so I guess I'm not missing much

[Hostrauser]

The Ten Comandments of Weenianity
VI. Thou shalt not be obscene
Footnotes/Explanations:
6. Thy weenie cannot be hanging out the ends of thine bun.

Disagree here and this violates Rule I to not discriminate on size. Dodger dogs are awesomely 12" and are served in a 6" bun leaving 2 to 3" hanging out the ends. 'Nuf said.

12" hot dog = 12" bun.

Simple. Little. Equation.

[Ex Nihilo]

The Ten Comandments of Weenianity
VI. Thou shalt not be obscene
Footnotes/Explanations:
6. Thy weenie cannot be hanging out the ends of thine bun.

Disagree here and this violates Rule I to not discriminate on size. Dodger dogs are awesomely 12" and are served in a 6" bun leaving 2 to 3" hanging out the ends. 'Nuf said.

12" hot dog = 12" bun.

Simple. Little. Equation.

FSQ just got served...

[The Aceman]

I will reply with 3 letters...

W.T.F.?

[Hostrauser]

haha thats pretty funny.. where did you find that?

I'll fess up: I wrote it. It all stemmed from the semi-regular arguments my wife and I have about putting ketchup on hot dogs. She thinks it's normal, I think that act is in a tight race with the Republican Party for the title of "God's Greatest Mistake."

See, it's funny that I say that because I'm an atheist, and...

[fieldshowqueen]

The Ten Comandments of Weenianity
VI. Thou shalt not be obscene
Footnotes/Explanations:
6. Thy weenie cannot be hanging out the ends of thine bun.

Disagree here and this violates Rule I to not discriminate on size. Dodger dogs are awesomely 12" and are served in a 6" bun leaving 2 to 3" hanging out the ends. 'Nuf said.

12" hot dog = 12" bun.
Simple. Little. Equation.

^ Dodger dog
... my point being that a weinie having the ends hanging out is great, although I do agree that using ketsup is wrong.

[FluteOfTheNewWorld]

I'll fess up: I wrote it.

haha that was too great! you're quite creative

[Ryan H. Turner]

And inadvertently, Hostrauser has thrown down the gauntlet in the competition of funniest writer on WOP against...THE H!

But I have to admit, that was UNBELIEVABLY funny.

(And I like your wife. She's got it right. Ketchup rules!)

[The Aceman]

Reminds me of the Simpsons epidsode...

"Ketchup? Catsup? Ketchup? Catsup?"

Anywho, I love hot dogs and agree that they should only be cooked over an open flame. However, Ketchup DOES belong on a hot dog, along with mustard and dill relish. You can also put on grilled (or fried) onions and peppers, sweet relish (if dill isn't available), cheese, chili (though not in combination with the ketchup/mustard/relish).

[Hostrauser]

Dodger dogs are awesomely 12" and are served in a 6" bun leaving 2 to 3" hanging out the ends. 'Nuf said.

Sorry, but it's never a good thing when you're all the way in the bun and you've still got 2 to 3" hanging out the end. You need to find a bun that can accomodate the whole weenie.

Anywho, I love hot dogs and agree that they should only be cooked over an open flame. However, Ketchup DOES belong on a hot dog

My religion, my rules... ho-bag.

Ketchup on a hot dog is a sin. And also, a public health hazard.

along with mustard and dill relish. You can also put on grilled (or fried) onions and peppers, sweet relish (if dill isn't available), cheese, chili (though not in combination with the ketchup/mustard/relish).

All of these are fine, with one clarification... if you ever head down to Atlanta, Georgia, and stop at the famous "Varsity" (aka "Fast-Food Mecca") right across the freeway from Georgia Tech, you will discover that their chili dogs come with mustard on them. And it's not bad at all.

I'm not a fan of onions myself, but indubitably they have a right to belong on hot dogs.

My two favorite types are chili-cheese dogs and mustard-(sweet)relish dogs. Dill relish is fine, but I like the tang of sweet relish better.

[FluteOfTheNewWorld]

haha are you going to demand the your religion be taught in our public schools just like FSM?

[Hostrauser]

haha are you going to demand the your religion be taught in our public schools just like FSM?

Negative. My religion will be taught at Weinerschnitzel.