The Pageantry Discussion Group
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http://worldofpageantry.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=12545
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....Jsaxm wrote:Yes, trombone players can get girls, it just gets tiring for them when they have to keep refilling them after every set.
haha buurrrn.Ryan H. Turner wrote:Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....Jsaxm wrote:Yes, trombone players can get girls, it just gets tiring for them when they have to keep refilling them after every set.
The pepper sprays not even the worst part. The stupid roofies get so darn expensive!Hostrauser wrote:Yes, trombone players can get girls, they just have to suck it up and fight through the pepper spray.
I should be darn near immune to that stuff by now.
Trombone players are usually the ones that slam themselves the hardestKingMattIV wrote:Hey, just because trombone players are much better looking and have better personalities than any other instrument, doesnt mean that any of you should get jealous. Its just the way it is.
That insecurity is so attractive!Perhaps you should read Orchestration for the Modern Wind Ensemble by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson...KingMattIV wrote:Hey, just because trombone players are much better looking and have better personalities than any other instrument, doesnt mean that any of you should get jealous. Its just the way it is.
Two Sheds wrote:Trombones
Trombone players are the chimpanzees of the ensemble. This is not a reference to their excess body hair or disgusting habit of picking insects off of each other and then eating them, but rather to the fact that they are the mischievous clown princes and princesses of any wind ensemble or orchestra. A trombonist's entire life revolves around messing with other performers and, in turn, being messed with. This particular yin and yang has been going on for around six hundred years, ever since the pre-cursor to the modern trombone was given the dignified name of "sackbut" or "sackbutt" (heehee! "Butt!").
Trombones are designed more for tone than agility and yet are directly descended from the trumpet, hence their cylindrical bore as opposed to the conical bore of the other low brass. To punish the trumpets for unleashing this hell upon the world, most conductors choose to place the trombone section directly behind the trumpet section, so that trombone players may consistently empty their spit valves into the trumpet players' cases, jackets and hair. To mess with the trombone section, it became an unwritten rule amongst all composers to choose at random which clef to write the trombone parts for any particular piece. As a result, you can find trombone music in bass clef (common in the band and orchestral repertoire), tenor clef (common in the orchestral repertoire), alto clef (common amongst Russian and Eastern European composers) and even treble clef (British brass bands).
With most instruments, tuning the instrument requires stopping to adjust tubing. The trombone is entirely adjustable tubing, so it's unacceptable for a trombone to be out of tune at any time. A study conducted in the late 1990s determined that 86.75% of all heart attacks and strokes suffered by band directors were directly induced by atonal trombone playing. Because of this, it has become fashionable amongst trombone players to have one player in the ensemble be a semi-tone off from everyone else every 13th day. The yin and yang continues.
A trombone player's rehearsal time is spent hiding behind their music stands, telling extremely rude jokes to one another and plotting their next practical joke against a particular target in the ensemble. Trombone players pay so little attention to their conductor that they could not pick him out of a line-up after the conductor had just mugged them (Richard Strauss knew this and took full advantage of it, inviting trombone players to disreputable card games at which he invariably won back their salaries).